Would a flower girl....

still be a flower girl is she didn't walk down the isle and sprinkle the petals?

Yes, that would be my daughter! Last weekend, Ainsley was a flower girl in a wedding for a friend of ours from church. We were wondering how it would go because you see, Ainsley has this little thing that she can't stand. Unlike most little girls, Ainsley hates to be oohed and "aaahed" at. She loves dressing up and is quite the little girly girl, but when it comes to showing everyone how pretty she looks, forget it.

When we arrived at the rehearsal she was very excited. A bit apprehensive, but excited none the less. Then came time to walk through what she was going to do during the wedding. After all, that is why we were there. She did a great job walking down the isle and standing at the front as expected until she realized that everyone was watching and the mother of the bride and I had decided we better have her practice tossing the petals from her basket. DONE! That was it. She had totally checked out and crying to please go home! We were able to get her back over to practice after everyone had left so that NO ONE was watching her but mommy and daddy. She did great! She walked down the "isle" 3 times tossing petals.

Fast forward to wedding time, Saturday afternoon. She had gone and gotten her hair done (which by the way, she did not want to come out of the bathroom at the salon with her flower girl dress on because as she said "i don't want people to go aaaahhhhhh") and looking absolutely darling. We headed to the park early so that she could see the set up of the chairs and practice one last time before everyone arrived. She wouldn't do it. She said over and over that she was scared and bless her heart, I could tell she really was....

This poor little baby has a true fear of the unknown. She does not like to do anything without a full explanation of what EXACTLY is going to take place. And, believe me, both Mommy and Daddy had tried to explain everything we could possibly think of. This is how the story went.

"Ainsley, you know how Cinderella went to a ball? She got all dressed up and the prince picked her as the pretty princess to go with, right? Well, Amanda picked you as the pretty princess to sprinkle flower petals on the ground for her to walk on as she walked up to her prince to get married to him. There are going to be lots of people in the chairs that want to see you sprinkle petals so that Amanda has a pretty path to walk on as she heads up to meet her Prince Charming!"

Okay, so, the scene had been set. Everything should be perfect. She loves the Disney princesses so even though she is just about to be 5, she should understand the story that was just told to her and how it related to her special day. Yeah, uh-huh, sure!!!!!!

She made it down the stairs and all the way up to the chairs (where I was sitting in the very last row right at the isle) and when she looked up and saw all the people, that was it. The look of terror hit her face, the tears began to flow, the sobbing came, and she fell into my arms as I told the cute little ring bearer to head on up the isle without her.

I was so bummed for Amanda. But, then I remembered as I sat there holding my poor little angel, how ecstatic I was the day I got married. And, if Amanda was anything like me, she could care less that Ainsley got scared and was not able to put rose petals on the ground for her to walk on. After all, at the end of the day, Amanda and Tamar were still married. The wedding was picture perfect. Right down to the rain stopping LITERALLY as Amanda began to get ready to head down the isle. The clouds broke, the sun came out, and the vows were unbelievable. I have honestly never been at a wedding that was so surrounded by the presence of God.

So, Ainsley realized that it was all over and was able to smile pretty for some pictures. And, as we all figured, Amanda could care less. Heck, truth be told, marriage starts at the wedding. Marriage isn't perfect, neither should the wedding be.

My beautiful little Prince and Princess!!!

I can't seem to figure it out!!

I am trying as hard as I can to learn how to make this blog thing work!!! So, I need to know a couple things! How do I layer my header? I want to put a picture or some writing, or both, in the cute frame in my header.

Also, can someone please explain to me how to make it possible to arrange my pictures that I post and be able to write in between them so that it is not always just the pictures and then my writing?

I am so confused!!!

In love....

There are few things to describe the love that one can have for her own children. But, never did I think that my love for my sisters children would be as great as it is.

When I first found out that my sister, Jessica, was pregnant with her 1st child, I was instantly in love with her unborn baby. Kinda like it is with my own, but different. When baby #1 came along, whom we will call "S", I was awestruck by the love I felt for her. She is now almost 2 and she is my little sunshine because she make me smile. She makes me laugh! Her little personality is so sweet and spunky at the same time. It absolutly KILLS ME to be 4hrs away from her.

So, last week, my sis had baby #2. He, whome we will call "K", came into the world shortly after I arrived. I would like to think that he waited for me to show up!!! Come on, can't a girl flatter herself! Anyway, Jessica had asked me if I would want to be in the room since I had two c-sections and had never been able to experience a natural delivery. Wow, what an honor. I have never been so proud of my sister nor have I ever seen anything as amazing as how God created our a womans body to deliver a baby. Well, most, apparently mine didn't want to comply!!! Thank you, Jessica, for that opportunity. It is something that I will never forget.

So, little K is here now. And, once again, I am love struck. Once again, I hate the distance between us. And, once again I pray and ask God to allow me someday to be close to my sisters again so that my dream of my kiddos and their cousins being best buddies can come true. can be close buddies with their cousins. Okay fine, and so that I don't have to have my heart broken every time I have to say goodbye.

My Mother's Day

I have now been celebrating Mother's Day for 7 years. I am still in awe of the fact that I am the mother of two amazing children. I know, I am biased, but I truely believe that they are 2 of the greatest kids I know. They are kind, though they have their moments, and they are respectful. They absolutly adore eachother and I feel highly blessed for that fact. I have had people ask me if my kids are always as affectionate towards eachother as they are when they are seen in public...the answer is, yes. I didn't have to teach them that, they just do it.

So, I say all that to say this, for Mom's day my husband bought me a laptop!!! He has done a pretty darn good job lately picking out gifts for me I must say. Anyway, so, here I sit, typing away at my laptop. I best get used to this position because in a matter of months I am going to be doing just this to finish school work!

So, now that I have a computer downstairs at my desk in my kitchen, I am going to try my hardest to update this more frequently. I know that I have family members who keep in touch with the family through this site and I have failed them in posting our family "goings ons" and make a promise to work on being better about it!

I need to learn how to upload pics to this cute little white laptop so hang tight and I will post what has been going on here in our neck of the woods (pics and all!) very soon!!!

I Want It ALL!!!!!

Have you ever wanted something really bad? You can't stop thinking about it. You want to know as much about the details as possible. Yep, that is where I am right now. I have NEVER in my life been so interested in hearing God's voice. I guess that is because I have never been this close to God.

You see, a relationship with God is a two part relationship. It isn't all just what God can do for us. He is God, He can do anything He wants. But, He wants first and foremost a relationship with us that is just more then us asking him for something. Wouldn't you get sick of one of your friends always asking you for something. They never came to you any other time, only when they needed something. In fact, they never even spoke to you half the time unless they needed something from you. Chances are, it would get really old, really fast.

God gave us free will. Why? Because He wanted us to choose to love Him. That is why we were created. He could have put billions of people on this earth that all loved Him and served Him in the ways that He wants us to. But, He didn't. He wants us to CHOOSE to love Him. To CHOOSE to serve Him. Even His only Begotten Son has the choice in the matter. Jesus sits at the right hand of God and waits for His direction. He is Jesus. He could come back to Earth now, but, He has not been given directions from God to do so and so he patiently ways in obedience to the Father.

So, what is it about that love for the Father that has me so captivated. Well, like I said, I have never been in a place like this before. Things that used to be okay with me, such as certain TV shows, are no longer okay with me. I want nothing more for my life then to know what God knows about me, my heart, and what God wills for my life. As Dr. Mike Evans said last time he was at our church, "I want to see what You see. Hear what You hear. So that I can do what You do."

Now, I find myself like the person in the picture above more and more throughout my day. I long for that time of worship. I have come to the point where that time of worship is more and more fulfilling. And, interestingly enough, it is because I am asking for NOTHING. I want nothing more during my time in God's Presence then to just worship Him. I have plenty of reasons to do so. I find myself in tears every single time that I open my mouth to praise Him and thank Him. I now get it. I now understand why I never got in trouble with the law all the times in high school and college that I was at parties and never got caught smoking pot and drinking underage when the cops showed up. His hand of protection made me invisible. All the times that I was with guys (and I am going to get personal) but yet never got raped or had to say that I had "multiple partners" in my life. Again, God's hand of protection kept me from the shame of being promiscuous and from the pain of possibly being raped.

But, actions speak louder then words. And though I know that God loves my words of praise to Him, he is even more interested in me walking out the desires that He has for my life. And, in this process of drawing closer to God and hearing His heartbeat for my life, I now know where he wants me and what He wants me doing.

God is calling me into counseling. I have been working with a Christian Counselor, who has been a major blessing in my life, for some anxiety issues that she has helped me through and now she has become more like a mentor to me. I have already started taking classes to become a certified counselor through the American Assoc. for Christian Counselors (aacc.net) and in a matter of a few weeks after I have sent in all of my tests, I will be certified to work with people in the church. Then, starting in the fall I will be attending Lee University (a Christian college based out of TN) to get my Bachelors in Counseling as well. I know that much for now. I believe that I will probably end up getting my Masters eventually so that I can have the certification of being a Professional Counselor.

Oh, how good it feels to be in Gods will. It is a new place for me and as I keep telling people, I want nothing more then to stay stuck in the Heavens like I feel I have been for about the last month. To be on the same frequency, if you will, as God is something that I guessed I was searching for since my birthing into this world, I just didn't realize it.

I am passionately in love with my Maker!!!! Ah, the peace and joy in the presence of God.